One: I Could Kill Myself | Two: I Could Go To Africa –scene from The Outsider, A Novel.

*unedited from rough draft (The Outsider: A Novel)

I woke up one morning in a state of complete despair and found myself debating the absurdity of carrying on like this when I had options. They were clear as day and night and manifest out of who-knows-where:

One, I could kill myself.

Two, I could go to Africa.

On one hand, wouldn’t it be convenient to throw in the towel? I mean, if Cobain had anything right… no, that’s not right. Then there is Africa. What is the purpose of suicide? Escape. What is Africa but that exactly, and what’s more, Africa felt like the crazier, more dramatic, more risky decision. So I broke my lease, to much objection and name calling and heartbreaking fights with my ex, sold everything from my beloved guitar to our shared kitchen table. Traded my car for cash, donated all the non-essentials, essentially keeping only what fit into my shiny new 70-liter pack and bought a one-way ticket to Africa.

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8 thoughts on “One: I Could Kill Myself | Two: I Could Go To Africa –scene from The Outsider, A Novel.

  1. Loved it! So what direction are you going with it?

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    1. You know, honestly, i’m unsure at this point. I’ve set the manuscript aside for the time being as i’ve chosen to dive further into my fiction novel, about a modern witch trial outside Glasgow, which should be quite the riot. 🙂

      I guess i’ve been struggling to pinpoint just what I’d like to achieve with The Outsider. I wrote the first draft as a traditional novel, a travel adventure piece like On the Road or the Sun Also Rises, but I really want to tap into something deeper, more human, emotional, even romantic. Sure travel and adventure are at the center of this story but I want to write the book from the inside out, that is to say from the Narrators perspective, less that the narrators experiences… does that make sense. I know what I want, but to articulate and execute it… I may need to mature for that!

      Thank you so much for the kind words and for reading and i’m terribly sorry for this late response. I seem to have missed a number of comments!

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    1. Thank you so much for the support and for sharing my work 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. A pleasure , Nicolas. You write well – geat photos too.
        Regards
        “the world’s worst photographer” craig

        PS
        Best wishes from the First City to see the light

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  2. I have observed that we humans will fill whatever we have to its capacity.
    Be it a backpack, car, tiny house condo, or mansion. We fill it with stuff.
    Reverting to a backpack, you see how little you really need.
    There is freedom in that.

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    1. Haha, what is it, our need, or tendency to want more than we need? Maybe overcompensation for our heritage int he wilderness and in constant hunger. I figure we’re not too far removed from our past that we’ve gotten over those old tendencies –or so the science suggests.

      You’re absolutely right though. To remove the constraints of objects and your reliance upon material goods brings this tremendous rush of liberation, as if you can breathe for the first time.

      I think that’s the true reason I travel. Of course, the food, culture, experiences are magical but nothing so close or completely soil stirring as living off limited resources. Clarity is the word that comes to mind.

      Thank you so much for reading and for your feedback. And i’m terribly sorry for the delayed response, I missed this!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s okay, I’ve been in the backcountry and you happen to reply just when I arrive to town. Perfect!

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