Opening lines from an early draft of “The Outsider” : Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

“It’s that feeling like walking through a dream. When everything glows a soft infusion or orange, red and gold as if the world has absorbed the sun. It’s that feeling exactly on the six o’clock from Casablanca as we blaze across the desert heading to the Red City in the South. After the thirty-hour haul from Kansas City i’m dreadfully dull, unalert and clumsy as if drunk. My head rests between my knees. Queasy and wobbly. So, basically everything has a dreamlike quality to it. It doesn’t help that I’m on the verge of tears and I know they’ll come at any moment. That’s how the world works after everything you know is said and done. When everything comes to an end. One fit of sobbing after another. Between that and the fact that I am absolutely, 100% clueless as to what i’m doing here. I’m finding it hard to breathe”

From Draft II of my current WIP. I’ve kept this passage around for a rainy day, hoping to find a place for it.

Would love your feedback.

Intriguing? Dull? Exciting? Terrible? Wonderful? Please don’t be shy!

Published by Nicholas Andriani

Multi-genre writer and explorer with a background in archaeology. Currently diving into memoir, literary fiction and children's books.

One thought on “Opening lines from an early draft of “The Outsider” : Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: